Day 52 Saturday: Tamoxifen

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Reporting in that I officially started Tamoxifen this week! I'm on Day 3 with no side effects (yet). I guess it can take a couple of months for some possible side effects, however, menopause will hit sooner rather than later. Oh, goodie!

This week has been the best week, yet, since surgery! I'm feeling myself and acknowledged I will never be 100% back to what I was... I lost my boobs, so that's impossible.

However, I truly feel I'm at 99-100% the new me. My energy level is on track! I completed sooo many tasks in my business this week, too! I really missed strategizing, creating, making decision and moving the needle forward! I feels good to give a sh*t, again!

On another note, and I hope this comes across correctly...

Guilt. In the back of my mind and in my heart I feel guilty....Like this diagnosis was too easy compared to so so many others, who battle different steps for months, even years. Why did it only take me a little bit, while they are experiencing much tougher times? THEY are the heros. THEY are the ones I will give a standing ovation to anytime. THEY don't deserve what has been handed to them.

This "guilt" kind of reminds me how people feel when there's a downsize at a company. Your teammates are let go, while I still have a job. When you don't lose your job, some experience "survivor's guilt".

Gosh, I really hope this is making sense!

I know I'm lucky. I escaped chemo, radiation, physical therapy, boob expanders, other surgeries, etc. I only had to "put up" with certain stages for a little bit compared to so many others. And I'm just feeling a little guilty is all. I am still very very thankful!

Next appointments:

Monday I begin another set of appointments with a nurse + team on survivorship where provide eating, exercises, group, counseling, etc.

At the end of Feb. I have a 2 month follow-up w/ Plastics/Reconstruction Dr.

Best Updates:

  • Officially can sleep on my side!!!!

  • Raise both arms over my head for almost a minute w/out it hurting! This means my messy bun is back on my head!!!

  • Booked a girl's getaway w/ my person, Shanan, to FL! A little Vitamin D, salty hair + sand on my feet sound devine!!

Thank you for all the support, prayers, help, messages, calls, food, flowers, gifts, love + thoughts you have given us over these months. I feel so lucky you're apart of our lives!

Xoxo,
~ Trish