Today was the most emotional (sad, happy, thankful, what-if tears) kinda day I've had since surgery.

The breast cancer surgeon appointment today went well! She said healing is progressing well! And before I get to the next part of today's visit, we need to go back in time.

Back-up to surgery day 0 (12/22): Chad and I say our goodbyes and I walk to another room where they will be administering the nerve blocker in my shoulders. I end up being in this room for over 2 hours. The surgeons individually come in and chat with me one final time before surgery, I meet the anesthesiologist team (there were 3 of them).

While I don't remember the nerve blocker being injected via an ultrasound, there are bruises that show it happened. I DO recall being super emotional during this 2 hour alone wait time. So much that the lead anesthesiologist said he had "something" for me in his shirt pocket if I'd like. (aka sleepy medicine, well, at least that's what I thought..lol)

Immediately I said "Yes, please. Now."

Which explains why I don’t remember being wheeled into the surgery room. However, I do recall giving somebody a death grip handhold in the surgery room at the beginning. In my mind it was hers, my breast cancer surgeon's, hand and I wanted to verify for accuracy.

So today I got my answer... She smiled and said, "Yes. Some patients don’t remember that."

That's when I lost it. I wanted her to know how much it meant to me and thank her. So while sitting in the exam room with a boob cape draped over my shoulders, I did some sorta sign language hopefully indicating as much between the hiccups and crying.

I was a mess, you guys. A thankful and appreciative mess.